Holding Hope with Ambivalence: Navigating Pregnancy after Loss
Going through pregnancy after experiencing a loss is incredibly challenging. It reshapes how you see yourself, especially as a parent. You're likely dealing with a whirlwind of emotions from your grief, and what's typically a joyous time—a new pregnancy—can actually bring all those painful feelings right back to the surface.
When navigating a pregnancy following a loss, you might find yourself feeling:
Guilt: You might worry about forgetting the baby you lost or hesitate to fully connect with this new pregnancy.
Shame: You might fear judgment from others for trying again, or you might even second-guess past choices you made.
Doubt: There might be questioning around if you are worthy of to have a living child or if you'll be able to parent a child.
Anxiety: There may be fear that there will be issues with this pregnancy, leading to another loss and that fear can bring up avoidance in attaching to this pregnancy as a way to protect yourself from grief.
These emotions can affect how you bond with your unborn child, how you prepare for birthl, and even how you share the news with others. It's incredibly hard to feel excited and hopeful when you're also feeling protective and scared.
Tips to Help You Navigate This Time
Here are some suggestions to help you through::
It's okay to wait to announce your pregnancy. Many people feel more confident sharing their news once they've passed the point of their previous loss.
It's okay to skip a baby shower and buy items directly. You can also wait until after your baby is born to decorate a nursery or have a celebration with friends and family.
It's important to advocate for yourself with your care team. While some people want to stick with the doctors they had during their previous pregnancy, returning to the same office, clinic, or specialist can be emotionally activating for others. If you decide to start with a new practice, it's helpful to share your history so they can provide the support you need.
It's completely "normal" to experience conflicting emotions. What's typically a happy occasion may feel different for you. If you've experienced perinatal loss, you have a completely different perspective on the pregnancy journey.
Extending yourself compassion and grace will be instrumental. Engage in activities that help support your nervous system. Also, having open, honest conversations with your partner and your support network is key.
And remember, as you journey through holding hope with ambivalence, you are not alone. If you find that you need more support, there are options available, including groups, individual therapists, and relationship counseling. Navigating pregnancy after a loss is a time of mixed emotions, and you deserve support and compassion.
For more support and tools, see our compassionate loss resources here.