Is it Hot in Here, or Is It Just the Patriarchy?
As young girls, most of us moved through the world with a natural sense of empowerment.
We were loud, we took up space.
We didn't yet have the filter of what was considered appropriate or taboo.
But then, the messages started piling up like laundry on a Sunday night. We were told to be smaller, quieter, and infinitely more careful. Slowly, we learned to trade our confidence for a kind of polite silence. By the time we reach adulthood, that silence isn't just a habit, it’s become a survival skill in the patriarchal system. It shows up in our relationships, our self-image, and, most surprisingly, right here in the therapy room.
The Safety Paradox
Therapy is supposed to be the one place where every part of us is welcome. Yet, even in the safest rooms, many women feel a deep disconnect when it comes to their sexual wellness.
We’ll spend months dissecting our anxiety, our careers, or our mom rage (all valid, obviously), while entirely ignoring our relationship with our own bodies. It’s like trying to fix a car but refusing to acknowledge that the engine even exists.
And let’s be real: this isn't just on the client. It’s on the clinician, too. Both people in the room are navigating the same noise. Both bring their own histories that their sexuality isn't theirs to own, or that it’s something to be handled elsewhere (wherever that mythical place is). When both people are waiting for the other to bring it up, the silence becomes an unwritten rule.
The Bottom of the List Fallacy
In the thick of day-to-day life, sexual wellness sits on the back burner. When you’re navigating postpartum transitions or trying to survive a toddler's meltdown, your intimacy or body-confidence feels like it’s a note in the margin that will get attention eventually (or not at all).
But here’s the MotherLoad truth: Sexual wellness isn't a separate bonus part of life. It’s woven into your boundaries, your vitality, and your sense of self. When we dismiss it because it doesn’t feel like a top priority, we are essentially dismissing a vital piece of our own healing.
Breaking the Script: A Mindfulness Approach
Moving toward empowerment doesn't require a dramatic overhaul or a sudden transformation into a vixen. It starts with noticing the silence we’ve inherited.
We notice the hesitation to bring it up. (That’s your protective "Part" trying to keep things polite and "safe.")
We notice the belief that it’s "not important enough" to talk about. (That’s the societal script telling you your pleasure is secondary to your productivity.)
We acknowledge that it feels vulnerable to speak about an area where we don't feel confident.
Whether you are the client or the clinician, the goal isn't to be an expert on sexual wellness. The goal is to stop leaving that part of yourself at the door. When we start to name the vulnerability, when we admit it feels awkward or not that important, we start to reclaim the empowerment we were always meant to have.